As I was walking this morning... I was struck by the cloud of witness passage. Having Christ, God the Father and His Holy Spirit is MORE than enough in every situation and circumstance of life but in His goodness, love and graciousness He allows us to have a cloud of witnesses cheering, encouraging, and motivating us on in this race of life. They have been there and they have won the prize of Christ and know that it is good. As ironic as it was, as I walked in the cemetery...I saw Christ, Jacob and Johanna (my great grandparents), Mary and Jennie (my grandmothers), Maria (a young friend who died in 6th grade), Grandpa Crissman, and Anneke... cheering me on this morning... because my soul hit the wall and needed to see their radiant faces reflecting His glory.
Thanks!!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Lord Let Me Proclaim...
As we stood in Pit Road, my head tilted up and I saw the 100's of thousands of people seated cheering & screaming with excitement as their favorite drivers zoomed around the track. Then my mind went to a scene that was sketched out in the book " A Voice in the Wind." A young girl standing in a stadium, no different than this track, 100's of thousands of people cheering & screaming with excitement as they murdered Christ followers. My heart got a sick feeling as I realized that "real" people in this very "real" setting have died because of their unwavering faith in Jesus Christ. Then came the question to my mind... "Would I be so unwavering?"
Of course my initial response was "YES... I would never deny Christ!" Then the gentle yet sharp nudging of the Holy Spirit directed me to all the times daily I "deny" Christ. When I loss my cool, say words that dishonor Him, place judgments on His Children, and refuse to love with the love of Christ. If I can not stand in my kitchen and with unwavering clarity say, "it is for this Christ has died and given me a new life," then how could I be so bold in the center of a stadium with the breathe of the lion breathing down my neck?
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Lord Let Me Move
At the almost year mark of Anneke's death, there are more days than not that I forget that she is not here. My heart hurts, aches to talk to her. I still find myself thinking, "I should call Anneke..." But I know she is with You, praising You, worshiping You, seeing You. Why would she want to be here? She wouldn't!
But my heart, my selfishness... wants to see her... hear her... feel her... love her!
Lord, I need your help.... to move me past these days of sorrow. As we get ready to leave for Holland, my heart grows more and more overwhelmed with the understanding that she is not going to be there. I want to make new memories, with my "new" family. You are placing a deep love in my heart for Sandra and at times I am thankful and others I am angry because I want Anneke... but those are not your plans. Help me to move in the pure and holy direction of Your Will. I trust You!
In Jesus Name ~
But my heart, my selfishness... wants to see her... hear her... feel her... love her!
Lord, I need your help.... to move me past these days of sorrow. As we get ready to leave for Holland, my heart grows more and more overwhelmed with the understanding that she is not going to be there. I want to make new memories, with my "new" family. You are placing a deep love in my heart for Sandra and at times I am thankful and others I am angry because I want Anneke... but those are not your plans. Help me to move in the pure and holy direction of Your Will. I trust You!
In Jesus Name ~
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Lord Let Me Understand
"There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him, haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devised wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers." Proverbs 6: 16-19
Often the words have come my mouth in bible study..."If I would just apply this one truth to my life, it would change forever!" The same can be said for these truths from God's word. In verses 16-19, if the Light of the Holy Spirit was free to search me and know me then my heart would remain clean of these abominations to God. Yet, my flesh harbors them close masking them in justifications of my making and not the blood of Christ.
Keep the teachings..."Bind them on your heart always; tie them around your neck. When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you. for the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light, and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life..." 6:20-23
My prayer is that in the moments of life when God allows me to pause and call on Him as the All-Sufficient One, drawing from His word that should be bound in my heart, around my neck...that my heart would stop and ask Him to fill me... when He offers to take me for a walk and prove Himself the God who Provides...my heart would walk, without complaining that I am not getting something else done, but just walk...When opportunity knocks and His desire is to be My Banner, going before me to lead me in a kingdom endeavor...my heart/flesh would take the rightful backseat and move the safety of His protection...When my body rest and His watchful eye is watching over all... my heart would trust that all things are firmly and securely in His hands...Then when my eyes open to the dawn that my thoughts would be drawn to Him, and His mercies that are new... that my heart would listen to His truth as The Word speaks...May I see the commands of the Lord in the light of His love for me and see that through them there is life.
"Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched?" 6:27-28
May this verse wash over me as sin crouches at my hearts door... may it be close to my lips as those whom I love, yet Jesus loves more, pursues to justify their actions that will lead them to death. May the power of The Word move us to holiness.
Often the words have come my mouth in bible study..."If I would just apply this one truth to my life, it would change forever!" The same can be said for these truths from God's word. In verses 16-19, if the Light of the Holy Spirit was free to search me and know me then my heart would remain clean of these abominations to God. Yet, my flesh harbors them close masking them in justifications of my making and not the blood of Christ.
Keep the teachings..."Bind them on your heart always; tie them around your neck. When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you. for the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light, and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life..." 6:20-23
My prayer is that in the moments of life when God allows me to pause and call on Him as the All-Sufficient One, drawing from His word that should be bound in my heart, around my neck...that my heart would stop and ask Him to fill me... when He offers to take me for a walk and prove Himself the God who Provides...my heart would walk, without complaining that I am not getting something else done, but just walk...When opportunity knocks and His desire is to be My Banner, going before me to lead me in a kingdom endeavor...my heart/flesh would take the rightful backseat and move the safety of His protection...When my body rest and His watchful eye is watching over all... my heart would trust that all things are firmly and securely in His hands...Then when my eyes open to the dawn that my thoughts would be drawn to Him, and His mercies that are new... that my heart would listen to His truth as The Word speaks...May I see the commands of the Lord in the light of His love for me and see that through them there is life.
"Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched?" 6:27-28
May this verse wash over me as sin crouches at my hearts door... may it be close to my lips as those whom I love, yet Jesus loves more, pursues to justify their actions that will lead them to death. May the power of The Word move us to holiness.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Lord Let Me Love
"So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love."
1 Corinthians 13:13
Lately my mind has been swirling with these three concepts... faith, hope and love. I think there is a simple answer to why love is the greatest, however, it has taken me, and is still taking me a while to put words around the thoughts in my head. Faith, is a result of the fall. Before our sin, God was with us, walking, talking, communing... we did not need faith, we had Elohim. And now in our twisted thinking we have taken faith and made it a god. Thinking that we can conjure up enough that we in our power can move mountains, heal the sick, and cast out demons. But faith is essential, without a belief in our God that we can not see then we can not have eternal life. Our faith is rooted and established in Christ and His shed blood... He increases our faith because He is alive and moving even though we can not see Him. When our faith becomes sight, what a moment... what a magnificence moment when there is no more faith!
Hope... a wishing for something with the expectation of it being fulfilled. Our only hope is in Christ. Again, hope is a result of the fall. We had all the fulfillment of the Godhead and His plans for us through creation, then we sinned. And now we must hope in the promise that through Christ there is more to come and He has already made the way possible through the shedding of His blood and His willingness to bear the wrath of God on our behalf. When we meet our Savior face to face, there will be no more hope... it will be fulfilled!
But Love... Only love will remain, because Love is the product of our God. It is that emotion that gets us in our guts. We know that it is bigger than us but yet it consumes us. We twist and turn it to fit what we need. We excuse our behavior and better judgment in the name of it. We sell our purity, our respect, our lives just for a moment of it. We move from one person to the next like a drug addict looking for her next fix. When in reality the one thing we love most is ourselves. It is the one thing we have directly from the person of God and use it against Him because our selfishness. Because when we see His love for us, we can not believe it. "For God so loved the world (i.e you) that He gave is only Son (He left praise, majesty, power, honor, glory, respect), that whoever (even if it was just one person) would believe in Him should not perish (His love is so extravagant that He wants none of us to die because of sin), but have eternal life (forever forgiven and in His presence). John 3:16... but keep reading... When faced with a love so extravagant that we find ourselves lost in its power... what do we love... darkness.
That is why the as Christians we will be known by our love. When we come to Christ's cross and allow Him to teach us this selfless extravagant love, we will want to pour it out on others, our husbands, wives, children, THE LOST! We don't have to wait to meet our Savior face to face... His love awaits us NOW! It is the GREATEST and most ENDURING.
1 Corinthians 13:13
Lately my mind has been swirling with these three concepts... faith, hope and love. I think there is a simple answer to why love is the greatest, however, it has taken me, and is still taking me a while to put words around the thoughts in my head. Faith, is a result of the fall. Before our sin, God was with us, walking, talking, communing... we did not need faith, we had Elohim. And now in our twisted thinking we have taken faith and made it a god. Thinking that we can conjure up enough that we in our power can move mountains, heal the sick, and cast out demons. But faith is essential, without a belief in our God that we can not see then we can not have eternal life. Our faith is rooted and established in Christ and His shed blood... He increases our faith because He is alive and moving even though we can not see Him. When our faith becomes sight, what a moment... what a magnificence moment when there is no more faith!
Hope... a wishing for something with the expectation of it being fulfilled. Our only hope is in Christ. Again, hope is a result of the fall. We had all the fulfillment of the Godhead and His plans for us through creation, then we sinned. And now we must hope in the promise that through Christ there is more to come and He has already made the way possible through the shedding of His blood and His willingness to bear the wrath of God on our behalf. When we meet our Savior face to face, there will be no more hope... it will be fulfilled!
But Love... Only love will remain, because Love is the product of our God. It is that emotion that gets us in our guts. We know that it is bigger than us but yet it consumes us. We twist and turn it to fit what we need. We excuse our behavior and better judgment in the name of it. We sell our purity, our respect, our lives just for a moment of it. We move from one person to the next like a drug addict looking for her next fix. When in reality the one thing we love most is ourselves. It is the one thing we have directly from the person of God and use it against Him because our selfishness. Because when we see His love for us, we can not believe it. "For God so loved the world (i.e you) that He gave is only Son (He left praise, majesty, power, honor, glory, respect), that whoever (even if it was just one person) would believe in Him should not perish (His love is so extravagant that He wants none of us to die because of sin), but have eternal life (forever forgiven and in His presence). John 3:16... but keep reading... When faced with a love so extravagant that we find ourselves lost in its power... what do we love... darkness.
That is why the as Christians we will be known by our love. When we come to Christ's cross and allow Him to teach us this selfless extravagant love, we will want to pour it out on others, our husbands, wives, children, THE LOST! We don't have to wait to meet our Savior face to face... His love awaits us NOW! It is the GREATEST and most ENDURING.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Lord Let Me Teach!
"The Lord our God, the Lord is One...You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house..." Deuteronomy 6:4,7
Homeschooling has been a welcomed adventure for me. I have known before I had kids that God had called me to homeschool. I am not one of those everyone should home school soap box preachers. I don't think that we have the "best" curriculum and EVERYONE should use it. When people ask me why I home school, the honest answer is because God told me too. In trials that I have faced recently my assurance of making it through has been that still small voice reminding me that I have been called to teach my children.
Recently, in many venues, I have been challenged to let the gospel come to life. The challenge has stuck to me like glue. And honestly, I have been very discourage at what a poor job I do at communicating the gospel. Sure God provides the opportunity to communicate but I stumble bumble or just stay quiet. So, what does all this have to do with home schooling... good question?
Struggle would be the word that would describe the past month with Caedmon. He has confessed His sins to God and called on Christ and His Blood to save Him. So that puts everyday living in a different light for him even though he doesn't realize it.
Also with the conviction of not commicating the gospel well God has reavealed to me that the way I speak to my children is not appropriate. If I wonder why I get so much attitude and grumbling I only need to look at my words to them. Need less to say the Holy Spirit has been working over time in my heart the past week. Praise The Lord!!
So, this morning during school, Caedmon and I were flying through the activities and assignments, it was going to be a record day! Then we came to the final assignment. Writing numbers. Now, normally, I would ask him to complete the assignment and then busy my self with prep for the next day. But today was different. I wanted to see just how he was doing his work. And what I found was interesting. Halfway... tracing... halfway... writing... so I asked him to erase and write it again... then something amazing happened. He got offended. "This is the best I can do! I can't make it any better!" Now, honestly, left to my flesh I would have steamed off and called it a day sending him to his room. However, my spirit was longing to see the gospel come alive. So, I prayed to myself, asking the Holy Spirit to fill me with patience and wisdom. Taking in a deep breath, Caedmon wrote and rewrote number 80-89 at least two times each! He was so angry at me.
My heart was breaking as I saw the sin that was in his heart toward me and God. So, we stopped for a moment. I reminded Caedmon that school is an act of worship, because we are learning for the glory of God. We don't know the plans that God has for him and so we need to be diligent to learn everything to His glory. I pointed out his sin of anger and frustration. I told him that he could do better and I was not going to limit the power of God to help him. Then I gave him the choice, he could repent and continue to finish writing his numbers, or he could go to his room and in his bed cool off and repent. In deep anger and frustration he almost screamed... "I WANT TO ASK JESUS TO FORGIVE ME!" So, we put the pencil down, he came and sat in my lap and he prayed. "Jesus thank you that you will get rid of my anger toward my mommy and give me a new heart. Holy Spirit help me to do my numbers with a happy heart. In Jesus Name Amen." The Holy Spirit was in my bedroom this morning as Caedmon and I were worshiping Elohim writing the numbers 80-100!
The gospel came alive...
Homeschooling has been a welcomed adventure for me. I have known before I had kids that God had called me to homeschool. I am not one of those everyone should home school soap box preachers. I don't think that we have the "best" curriculum and EVERYONE should use it. When people ask me why I home school, the honest answer is because God told me too. In trials that I have faced recently my assurance of making it through has been that still small voice reminding me that I have been called to teach my children.
Recently, in many venues, I have been challenged to let the gospel come to life. The challenge has stuck to me like glue. And honestly, I have been very discourage at what a poor job I do at communicating the gospel. Sure God provides the opportunity to communicate but I stumble bumble or just stay quiet. So, what does all this have to do with home schooling... good question?
Struggle would be the word that would describe the past month with Caedmon. He has confessed His sins to God and called on Christ and His Blood to save Him. So that puts everyday living in a different light for him even though he doesn't realize it.
Also with the conviction of not commicating the gospel well God has reavealed to me that the way I speak to my children is not appropriate. If I wonder why I get so much attitude and grumbling I only need to look at my words to them. Need less to say the Holy Spirit has been working over time in my heart the past week. Praise The Lord!!
So, this morning during school, Caedmon and I were flying through the activities and assignments, it was going to be a record day! Then we came to the final assignment. Writing numbers. Now, normally, I would ask him to complete the assignment and then busy my self with prep for the next day. But today was different. I wanted to see just how he was doing his work. And what I found was interesting. Halfway... tracing... halfway... writing... so I asked him to erase and write it again... then something amazing happened. He got offended. "This is the best I can do! I can't make it any better!" Now, honestly, left to my flesh I would have steamed off and called it a day sending him to his room. However, my spirit was longing to see the gospel come alive. So, I prayed to myself, asking the Holy Spirit to fill me with patience and wisdom. Taking in a deep breath, Caedmon wrote and rewrote number 80-89 at least two times each! He was so angry at me.
My heart was breaking as I saw the sin that was in his heart toward me and God. So, we stopped for a moment. I reminded Caedmon that school is an act of worship, because we are learning for the glory of God. We don't know the plans that God has for him and so we need to be diligent to learn everything to His glory. I pointed out his sin of anger and frustration. I told him that he could do better and I was not going to limit the power of God to help him. Then I gave him the choice, he could repent and continue to finish writing his numbers, or he could go to his room and in his bed cool off and repent. In deep anger and frustration he almost screamed... "I WANT TO ASK JESUS TO FORGIVE ME!" So, we put the pencil down, he came and sat in my lap and he prayed. "Jesus thank you that you will get rid of my anger toward my mommy and give me a new heart. Holy Spirit help me to do my numbers with a happy heart. In Jesus Name Amen." The Holy Spirit was in my bedroom this morning as Caedmon and I were worshiping Elohim writing the numbers 80-100!
The gospel came alive...
Monday, February 2, 2009
The moments that should...
Ryan has in the recent pasted called me "The Angry Woman"... for good reason. It takes so little to set me off that it is beginning to amaze me. In those moments that should propel me into a person that is more like Christ, I cower in the corner and do my normal thing. Instead of trusting and leaning I scream and throw. The race is hard... God is sovereign... my race in comparison to the thousands who are truly suffering around the world is laughable at best. So, in the moments that should take me to the redemptive power of Your blood, may my heart be willing to follow you there and respond appropriately.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
