These Moments

It is in these moments that I know that God is here, near and cares.  Over the past month life as I know it has been flipped turned upside down.  Selah Jovi B. entered this world at 25 weeks.  As a doula I have never faced a situation like this.  She is coming too early, how can this be?  Yet, I am overwhelmed with the feeling that she will be okay. 
There are 100's of things I never want to forget about her life... things too precious to share even here.  But there are things I will miss because she is gone.  The first time she calls me "Mama Christie".  Her first sleep over at Mama Christie's.  The bond that comes with all my "babies".  Letting her watch Barbie movies.  Seeing her grow up in our fellowship.  Yet all these things God knew would never happen.
 He knew all her days before one of them came to be.  All 23 of them.  A number so small, yet so profound.  A number of days that will forever change the course of my history along with everyone at our fellowship.
She brought us close to our Savior.  Her Savior.  She taught us to stop, pause and think about Him.  He doesn't sleep or slumber.  He is not weak or slow.  He has proven Himself strong on her behalf and I am thankful.
 I do not know for sure what life will be like with Jesus... but I hope that along with meeting my 1st child, hugging all those who have gone before me, that He would be gracious enough to allow me to meet Selah and know that she was one of my babies... as I was doing the work He has gifted me to do.

I love you Selah... but Jesus loves you more.